September 2013

Well!! September was a rough one, so I just need to give a quick nod to the things that got me through! My life motto in hard times is “It could always be worse” and if you can't think of a way in which it could be worse then you have a pretty lame imagination, so you should probably work on that.

Music has always been a bit of a life vest for me and this past month was no exception, but it took me a wee while to find the right music to get me through it, because, you know when you feel like you're fighting a battle on your own - if you listen to happy upbeat music sometimes you can feel like it’s mocking you, but if you listen to sad music it doesn't cheer you up any! So When Cee Lo Green started playing, though he does have some happy songs he also has some that actually aren't all that cheery but still have a really upbeat melody and rhythm which don't particularly match each other, so you get the happy upbeat mood of the music without the “My life is great - sucks to be you” lyrics, which was the perfect combination for me! I also listened to a bunch of Kanye West and Kate Nash (also caught her live this month for the first time which was a dream come true! But more on that later!)

September wasn't really that bad but it was so so so stressful that I was overtired and emotional the whole time and just felt like I wasn't getting a break! But then I did get a break :) and I have officially passed my 6-month trial period for my PhD! So they are going to keep me on! I had an unexpected move, as the woman who was subletting to me decided she didn't want to keep renting her flat so gave me 4 weeks notice to find somewhere else to live! Which she was well within her rights to do, but I still felt like it was a dick move, I'm sure I would feel differently if our roles were switched (I’m trying really hard to be understanding here!).

Otherwise I am feeling very far away from home and wishing I could be in NZ for the arrival of my first ever niece/nephew! I’m terrified of small humans but holy crapsticks am I excited about this one!!!!!!! I just have to work really hard to not buy him/her a baby lab coat and plush soft toy neuron, I’m just so excited to meet him/her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My Love is now in America, it was so lovely to have him here for August, and the time difference with America and our hectic schedules make talking every day a challenge! But unexpectedly the main issue has been the crappy internet connection in Palo Alto! Did not see that coming!

I have started running again after all the moving and PhD stress calmed down, and though my running distance is a bit pitiful, I am just aiming to get out as much as I can and not beat myself up over distances, even once around the block is better than nothing - and once I'm in the gear and on the pavement I always feel like running further than I thought I would :) so that’s good!

Also I've picked up meditating, just doing it by myself for now, as one of my biggest issues is actually my rumination/inner voice/impostor syndrome/self doubt and so just being able to quieten my mind is a skill that I think is worth cultivating! And to be honest some days I last 2 minutes of just focusing on my breathing before my brain gets bored and I can't help but let my mind wander, so on those days I go by the ‘as long as it is a positive thought - it’s okay!’ rule, which has been interesting in itself!

Breaking Bad finished, and it was amazing, it is one of the most beautifully written/directed/produced/cast piece of work I have ever seen. I feel like they should make some sort of education ‘Chemistry with Heisenberg’ either series or audio text book or something. But I think that is just me wishing it wasn't over - having said that I think it ended at the right time and in the right way - so I also wouldn't change it to have it drag on!

I love Kate Nash, I saw her live :) that was just one of those things that when I was at the very bottom of New Zealand I honestly didn't think I would ever be able to do, so it was just such a blessing, I felt like I was floating home afterwards, Berlin seems to be the city where my dreams are becoming reality :)

Alright - enough rambling, goals for the next wee while are to get out and meet some people, I have made 3 friends since I moved to Berlin and my hermit lifestyle isn't helping so … we will see how that goes!